Sleep Paralysis, And A Trick To Get Out of It!

Sleep paralysis has struck again.

If you've experienced sleep paralysis then you'll understand my fear/confusion/pissed off-ness, as it's happened to me, yet again.

To give you a brief history, since I was very young I've had experiences of sleep paralysis - its basically something that occurs during REM (not the band) sleep. It can be quite frightening as you're kind of half in a dream, half awake, so you can hear/see things that lets be clear - AREN'T THERE, but it can seem extremely real to you, but it's just your mind playing tricks on you, I guess.
I read online that it can happen to everyone at least once in their life. But it must of happened to me over 10 times. The time I remember the most, was the most frightening, - because if you're like me and had never heard of it before, you freak out - I could hear some kind of creatures at the bottom of my bed speaking about me, as if I was an experiment or something - very weird - and the more I tried to wake up or move or scream out, I couldn't. I was paralysed. It feels like it goes on for a long time, and the truth of it is, you really have no sense of time, because you can't move or look at the clock, or do anything really. 
It happened again a few nights ago. This time it felt like there was someone right beside my face, it was as if I had opened my eyes and guess what was in front of my face...that little creepy puppet freak from the Saw movies. So that was nice. This time it actually felt like I had been levitated up out of my bed in some way too. But this time I was saying in my head 'no!' 'go away!' And I realised that if you grind or bite down on your teeth, you get out of it. I'll definitely be trying that technique out next time as it's not a fun experience to be in. 

The annoying thing is, why is sleep paralysis always so frightening. It's not fun and I'm not really sure why I seem to get it more than most, any ideas? 
 Some nights when I'm drifting off to sleep I feel a sudden jerk in the bed and I suddenly wake up. Other than this, my sleep is normal. Other than I don't really get enough of it.



Feedback welcome!


Sian x

The teenage years!

Awkward, moody and difficult are some words to describe the teenage years. Those words certainly applied to mine, along with many great words too, of course. 

So today is the day! I'm a 'grown up', officially out of the teenage years and into the next decade of my life. As my mum told me this morning, this is the decade I'll meet the love of my life. (She's very invested.)
Looking back I have to say, I'm pretty happy to be out of adolescence as it really wasn't my forte. Sure I made some amazing friends, survived high school, started college, got into uni, got drunk, laughed, cried, and dealt with death, sadness and done a lot of growing up. Would I change any of it? Nah, it's got me this far. 

So I'm into my twenties..who knows what the next decade will bring. I'm sure you'll hear all about it though, cause y'know, I'm kind of a big deal. (and I never steal quotes from Anchorman..)

Happy birthday to meeeee! 

Sian x

The Best Days.

Goodbye college! I'll miss you!

So my two years at Aberdeen College are up! In this two years I've learnt a lot, met people I know are going to be friends for life and I guess I've grew up a little bit, too. In this time it's also changed it's name. Although applying to Aberdeen College, I'll now be graduating 'North East Scotland College'. 

I've been studying HND Communication with Media for the past two years. Media has always been a field that's interested me. I love creating and writing so there was really no other path I could choose. I knew half way through school I wanted to be a radio host, or work behind the scenes on television. There's no way in telling I'll even end up doing anything like that in the future, but at least I'm doing what I want to do, right now.

When I was leaving school and trying to figure out what to do; work? study? cry? - I took some time in really weighing out my options and decided that going to college and studying this course was something I did really want to do. My parents tried to tell me there wasn't much jobs in the media for me, but I knew I wanted to do this. At one point they even tried to push me into travel and tourism, but I knew media was for me. 

Alas, despite coming to an end of my college course, my education is not over. After summer I'll be attending Robert Gordon University to study Media. Hurrah!

So I guess the moral of my education story is to do what YOU want to do, don't be influenced by parents, or teachers, or friends. I mean, listen to them, sure. But at the end of the day you know what you really want to do, and that might be nothing to do with education at all. But you don't want to look back on your life and think 'what if?' 

I'm happy to say I'll be graduating my course with two A's, which I'm pretty proud of. I'm so glad I decided to do this course and it's been the best two years of my life! 

Goodbye College!

Class of 2014

Sian x

What have I been doing...?

I haven't wrote a blog post in about 3 months - sorry about that!

So, what have I been doing?

I travelled to the capital (Edinburgh) with some friends. We went to the castle, to Mary Kings Close and the Zoo. Great trip in a great city. 
Then I travelled to Glasgow to see McBusted (yes, McFly and Busted - Mcbusted. It happened.)
Then I travelled to Glasgow one more time to see *drum roll* Miley Cyrus. One word; amazing.

With all this traveling and going to some of the best Cities in Scotland (dare I say Britain) I've realized just how much I love Scotland, and just how much I'd love us to be free. That's right, I'm voting for Independence. (yay!) I'm planning to write a post just about that topic, so look out for that! 

Hmm, what else.. Oh! I went to see the new Godzilla film the other day with my mum. Literally amazing. I'm really into sci-fi films and this definitely lived up to my expectations. I always knew Godzilla was a good guy deep down. It also just makes you realise how tiny we are, and how incapable we are in stopping natural disasters, or y'know massive distructive creatures that decide to come cause havoc. 

Wow. I almost forgot, I got accepted into Uni! I'm going to be studying Media at Robert Gordon University at the end of September! That means saying goodbye to college. I've had a great two years with great people and great lecturers. Hi Jo! ;) 

Well, thats enough of my ramblings. I quite enjoyed reminiscing on what I've been up to. 

See you soon.

Sian x

Glasses; who says they aren't cool?

SPOILER!! I wear glasses!

I found my old laptop that I done most of my school work on and came across an essay about my glasses. This was actually an essay I submitted for my higher English folio, and hey, I passed! Be warned, it's pretty ridiculous. If you're currently doing Higher English (ha ha) and wear glasses, this might give you some inspiration, but remember -plagiarism is wrong.

Also, side note, this isn't my best work. Reading it back I'm annoyed with some of the stupid mistakes I made, but hey, you live and learn.

Anyway, *deap breath*, here it is!

Glasses

It’s a heartbreaking and devastating moment when the optician turns to you and reveals that you definitely need glasses. Sixteen years living in the norm, as one of the crowd, then suddenly given a new, unwanted identity. How I had never figured out it was only me who saw the world as blurry confusion I’ll never know.

It seemed like it had happened overnight. Suddenly I didn’t have my perfect vision and I couldn’t read from a distance. I decided it must have been the lighting, or the font size, anything but this. Surprisingly, I received no pity. I was told I was being dramatic and to calm down. Calm down? This was my eyesight! Would I suddenly wake up tomorrow with no vision at all? A girl at the table next to me overheard my fear and being a glasses wearer, understanding my situation, handed me her glasses. I couldn’t believe it. As a kid you always try someone’s glasses on and think ‘wow’, your eyesight is terrible. Not this time. As I put them on, not knowing this would become a daily routine, my vision became focused and my eyes relaxed. I could see. It was a moment where I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. Could it really be true? Was I really turning into this person? I’m not sure why I was so reluctant towards glasses, I just assumed my eyesight was perfect, I would never need glasses. It just wasn’t me. But does someone’s opinion really change if you’re wearing glasses? It seems immature, but I had it in my head glasses were for certain type of people, and I was above that. Looking back it seems like a crazy thought.

Obviously I ran home declaring my life was over and that an eye test was a must. Of course, the next week there I was, getting a picture of my eye taken, reading out letters I could barely make out, still insisting I didn’t need them. The glasses hung on the wall at the opticians, judging me. I was being watched. They knew what was coming; the moment my life would ultimately change. I could no longer watch TV without them, forced to wear two glasses for a 3D film. So which glasses would I choose: would I go outrageous and in your face, or mellow and sophisticated? Nope. I’d choose the first pair, say they were fine and get the hell out of there. 

There I was, a moment I had never truly anticipated, collecting my first pair of glasses. I remember bringing my friend, not just for company but for moral support. As I walked in it was almost as if it was a scene out of a movie. The opticians were smiling, the glasses laughing as I slowly opened my new case. As I planted them on my face I was in genuine shock, I felt like I was suddenly living in HD. This was an indescribable moment, my blurry mass of confusion was suddenly clear, it was as if I was growing up, truly seeing the world for what it is. I kept taking them on and off to compare how I used to live. This was the beginning; I felt like a new person. On the bus home I read out the signs, suddenly noticing they existed. Who knew you could see the serrated edges on the leaves, or the wrinkles on a persons face from 10 feet away? This was a whole new world.

I remember school where at first I refused to wear them until I thought, “Lets just get this over with.” It was the talk of the class. Everyone asked “Did you get new glasses?” “Can I try them on?”

Surprisingly, I got no abuse, apart from blaming my eyes for failing at their duty to allow me to see. I couldn’t help thinking, I’m one of ‘them’. I’m a four eyed freak, a ‘speccy.’ When someone would look at me it seemed as though they were only staring at the thick frame planted on my face. I just didn’t want glasses to be my ‘thing’.

For some reason glasses are seen as ‘uncool’ and if you wear them you instantly become a nerd. Yet I’ve become used to them, they are, although still painfully annoying, part of who I am now. I need them to see and if I’m judged for that then so be it.

Perhaps its really a blessing in disguise that I got them at this stage rather than in childhood. Children can be mean, immature about things like this, although, being a teenager, they don’t exactly match the ‘cool’ image we’re all trying to pursue. Not the best look, but a look I’m forced to accept. I always thought I’d one day own glasses, I had just assumed most of my life would be over by then, not just beginning. 

It’s the type of thing where only someone who knows what you’ve been through will get why you still ramble on about it. When I pass another glasses-wearer on the street its as though we’re telepathically telling each other, “We’re the cool ones”. Until you’re told that your eyesight needs improving, you’ll never know what it feels like to be part of this glasses-wearing minority. The whole experience definitely changed me, when I was given my vision I could not only see clearly, I could see myself mature and was given a lot of perspective. I could now see the consequences and see a path into my future, a clear future.

There came a time where I decided to accept my disability, and embrace it. Although, saying that, I will be wearing contact lenses in the future, not just to be ‘normal’ again, but because at least then no one will ask to try them on.

Just incase one photo isn't enough...

Oh dear. To clarify, I'm completely fine* with wearing glasses now, and there's no reason anyone shouldn't be!


*slight exaggeration.

No on a serious note, glasses are something a lot of people with perfect eyesight crave. You see it all the time, people wearing 'fake' glasses. It's no longer 'uncool' or 'nerdy', and if people still think it is, who cares! If you're worried about what people think - like I was - then you really need to STOP CARING. People will judge you if you have perfect eyesight or not. 


Sian x 

Seaworld; FREE TILLY!

Today, my friend Nikki (a.ka. castmember) and I decided to write a blog post on something that's been on our minds for a while.
This is a somewhat different post than usual. I just wanted to share my opinion on a topic that I'd never really thought about before; Seaworld. In particular, the orcas that live there.

After watching the documentary 'Blackfish', I feel completely saddened by the idea of capturing a whale of an orcas magnitude and keeping it hostage, training it, using it as a toy, and ultimately, killing it. That's essentially what Seaworld is for these animals, a torture chamber. 
After you watch Blackfish, I can guarantee you'll feel the same as we do.

The documentary raised more than a few eyebrows when it was released, and has already impacted change. It shaped my entire outlook on Seaworld and exposed the park to the horrors it really endures on these magnificent creatures.
I don't want to go into too much detail, that's what the documentary is for, but it basically revealed the life of Tilikum, the largest male in Seaworld, and a killer.
Is anyone surprised these whales lash out? They belong in the sea with their family. But instead he was ripped away from his mother and forced to preform, alone in an empty tank, which lets face it, doesn't exactly look like the sea. He is constantly exposed to loud noises from the endless shows, which he is extremely sensitive to.  I feel as though people don't really think sea creatures have feelings or emotions on the same scale as us. But in fact, orcas are extremely intelligent creatures that feel just as much emotion as us.

Are we not horrified that elephants were once (and sadly still are) used to preform in circuses? Is this not the same kind of torture?

I don't know what we can really do now. We've taken away these animals lives and I for one am disgusted.
I don't know what your thoughts on Seaworld are, but I always thought the animals were happy being in captivity. (I'm naive.) I've even been to Seaworld, Florida. I can honestly say I will never EVER be returning to Seaworld, even if you paid me. To support them is to support animal cruelty. 

I never fathomed how sad and lonely these creatures are..

I hope this has enlightened you, and encouraged you to watch the documentary and sign this petition to finally, free Tilly. 
http://www.change.org/petitions/seaworld-inc-humanely-release-the-orca-whale-known-as-tilikum-to-a-seapen-for-rehab


Sian x

2013: Scottish Adventures!

First of all, I know we're already eight days in but, HAPPY NEW YEAR! 

I'm sort of sad to see 2013 fly by and disappear into a memory. For me, it was a pretty good year. I didn't go abroad last year but instead, saw a lot more of my own country, something I want to do a lot more of in 2014.
So yes, I want to travel a lot more. Thats my goal. (why is this blog riddled with song titles..)
Travel doesn't necessarily mean go abroad, I'm quite happy traveling and exploring the bonny Scotland.

Last summer, I actually explored Scotland a lot. I travelled to Edinburgh, Glasgow, Glammis Castle, Kincraig - where I swear I met Samwise Gamgee - climbed benechie and drove down a lot of country side. This year, I want to do more. I think a lot of people take for granted where they live and I am no longer going to be that person. Scotland is beautiful!

This year I have a lot of trips planned already, mainly to Glasgow to see some awesome artists, but I want to explore and see more of Scotland's history. I also want to climb benechie one more time (I'm determined to make it to the top.)

I really enjoyed last summer, and 2013 in general. It involved a lot of time spend with friends, drinking, drinking with friends, etc. Hopefully 2014 will be just as good! 
WARNING; there's a lot of photos to come.

Documentation of my adventures.

Edinburgh Zoo

Glasgow, a few times…

Glamis Castle

Highland Wildlife Park

Cullen

Of course, Aberdeen..

I for one am excited to see what 2014 will bring, and for the photos. 

Sian x